My Birthday Disaster
by gagafan22796
Summary: Harley is about to celebrate her birthday in Arkham, again but what happens when the Joker decides to spring her and go "celebrate" with their own crazy version of fun? Everyting goes well...until Harley gets kidnapped!
1. Chapter 1

"Hey I need my shirt back…"

I step out of the bathroom and chuck the cheap reminder of what I've done all semester back at that sorry bastard. I walk around in my undies, because they're all I can find at the moment. Hah! Success I found my dress! Sleeping my way through classes I didn't like might not be the smartest idea ever or even the most original but eh…a girl has to work with what she's got. Today's the day I finally get that stupid piece of paper that will let me work at Arkham; I've waited years to help the people there and now I finally get the chance.

"Good luck at that meeting Harleen; you're gonna need it, Arkham is going to eat you up and spit your sorry ass back out."

"We'll see, I have a different approach to the field and I am going to help people!"

"Sure you are sweetheart, that's what they all say before they realize the best you'll ever get is assisting someone else or working at a community college."

It takes all my strength to not slap him, but I avoid the urge and finish dressing. Time to show Arkham what I can do! I want to help the insane using a personalized approach based on finding out what they want rather than sitting around and asking stupid questions or bringing up the past. God knows that shit doesn't work…_focus __Quinzel don't remember that, you're ok now and you're going to shake up this city_… I leave the cheap hotel and get in my red convertible, it's a little old but oh well it runs and it's pretty. I pull into the seedy part of Gotham into a dark alleyway…not my smartest idea, but well I needed to change and I didn't have time to go to my apartment. Today must be my lucky day, because no one jumped me and I wasn't attacked or anything! Let's hope my meeting with the board of Arkham turns out just as well.

* * *

><p>I pull into the parking complex and look at myself in the mirror; on the outside I look pretty and perfect like a little china doll, but on the inside I want to fall down and cry. I've been called a masochist for heading to a place full of crazy people in pain in hopes of actually helping myself…screw it, who really gives a shit why I'm here? Seriously on all the trips I was required to make in hopes that Arkham would scare me away I saw some concerning things… but it wasn't from the patients, but rather the doctors. <strong>They just don't seem to care at all!<strong> If they can keep the _real crazies_ drugged up and the high-securities locked up for a few days without them escaping, then it's been a good day. How is that helping those poor people?

I walked down the hallway to the giant room where the meeting was going to take place; the guards and other random stragglers were openly staring in admiration. It felt nice for only a moment, until the reality that they only saw me as a thing sets in. I look at myself again to make sure my blond hair is still curled and my red lipstick hasn't faded or smudged. Once I pass my appearance checklist I head into the room surrounded by the elite of the elite of Gotham. I felt some of the men stare at my tight red blouse and notice that it isn't buttoned all the way and admire my black skirt that's just above the height code.

Tee-he I'm going to have fun playing these people to get what I want. After all isn't that what all life is: _using any __and everyone you can to better yourself and avoid the horrible things you did to get where you now are_? Well, if that's not right I suppose my adoptive parents lied to me before sending me to school with a gymnastics scholarship. Which speaking of, **I don't even like gymnastics**; I always felt the creepy guys stare at me funnily, but I did it to make my family happy. I just want them to be happy with me…that's why I'm doing this, they'll be proud of me and all those stupid people who didn't believe in me will regret it. _Then they'll see, and then they'll all see!_

What feels like hours of sitting on a cheap plastic chair and smiling coyly, without being sexy or unprofessional, they finally stop analyzing my thesis and whatever else they have up there; _heck there could be a newspaper up __there for all I know_. Then they start talking in tones that are so hushed that you can't even hear them talk, which is quite a feat considering that I have excellent hearing. You know what, **I want that**, to be able to talk to someone in a room full of people and have him be the only person who hears, no matter how hard _they_ try to hear. Seems kind of stupid, but when you have a voice like mine, it makes sense...damn! I hate it when people make fun of my voice, now I'm just mad…_focus Quinzel, focus you're sooo close don't screw it up now!_

After another eternity, they come to a decision. An old balding man stands up and looks around at the board before staring at me…_this is it, the moment I've been waiting for!_

"Dr. Harleen Quinzel, the board has decided that we would love to have you work here at Arkham. You can start today if you wish; you'll be an assistant to one of our other doctors until we decide where to put you."

I smile and use all my control to avoid happy dancing in the middle of the room. Finally, I've waited so long!

"Thank-you so much for accepting me! I would love to start working here at Arkham today, just tell me where to go!"

That was just too easy; these boys don't know what they're in for!

* * *

><p>A few days into the job I was given a "task" to do. To be honest, it was actually kind of depressing and degrading…but I'll take what I can get. The last mail carrier died so they needed a replacement…and being the newest staff member that <em>glorious <em>role fell on my shoulders. All-in-all it wasn't so bad; I'd get to visit all the _current _patients (or plan a schedule around the dangerous ones) and deliver their mail, it was rather boring but seeing the happiness on their lonely faces was exhilarating.

Today was the _big day_ I'd been waiting months for, when I take the final test to make sure I'm "sane enough" to start helping patients. When they said I passed it was _soooooo_ exciting, I'd finally get to help people and I couldn't wait. Today was the last day I'd drop off mail and I had to make a stop in the _Zoo (_aka where the Rogues were placed _temporarily_ until they became bored and left).

I headed to drop off a few _good-bye_ gifts to the nice patients who didn't treat me like scum because I'm new. I gave Poison Ivy her mail and a potted plant that just barely passed with security and I gave The Hatter a new book of _Alice in Wonderland_; in my defense he loves that idiotic book and I felt bad that they took his current copy.

I started humming to myself as I walked down the hall, once I was past a majority of the occupied cells I did a little happy dance…I know it's stupid but I was so happy I just couldn't help myself. Once I'd controlled myself I headed down the rest of the hallway singing to myself, which in retrospect made me seem dumb, _but who really __gives a damn_?

I opened the door separating the Zoo from the rest of the asylum and started to walk down another hallway..._speaking of, why are there so many of the stupid things, the only people who get lost are the doctors not the escaping __patients_…I turn and enter the common room, because Joan asked me to welcome the newest patient. I was incredibly flattered, until I saw who it was: the Penguin. If it was anyone else I would've been happy, but having to welcome my past employer was just another embarrassing reminder of my shitty past. _Shit he saw me…_now I have to go and say hello, this can't end well.

"Good God! Little Harleen did it, and here I thought you up and quit because you found another employer…not another bloody life!"

Seeing him livid was actually rather amusing, since I might've stolen some of his money to pay off my student loans. Well this could be going worse I suppose, luckily the Bat brought him in-between sessions of "free times" so no one else was in the room. _Focus Harleen, you can do this without embarrassing yourself or pissing off a Rogue._

"Why hello Mr. Cobblepot, my name is Dr. Quinzel. Welcome to Arkham!"

The fact that I managed that with a smile on my face and a tone of politeness was quite extraordinary.

"Yeah well, it does my heart good to know that one of my girls made a name for herself…"

"I was never one of '_your girls_' I ONLY SERVED COCKTAILS…IT WAS ONE FREAKING TIME. Get over yourself, I only helped fill in for a friend who was having one of your client's bastard kid you ASSHOLE!"

He tried to corner me against a wall, but I saw it coming and when he went to touch my arm I sort of freaked out. Without even realizing what I was doing, I flipped the bird-brain on his sorry pompous ass and laughed at the fear in his eyes. When I realized what I just did I apologized and ran out of the room as fast as I could…_great just __great, I haven't had an episode in two years and now the day before I get to help a patient I'm going to get fired! _Oh and to make things that much worse, during my little "episode" patients from the Zoo and the other parts of Arkham came into the room…_how embarrassing, I could just die…_

* * *

><p>I woke up screaming at the memory from so long ago…before I met my puddin'. I really wish I would've taken those pills now. I hate remembering what a boring person I was before I met Mistah J; the thoughts of a life without him or before him are terrifying. Normally the thoughts don't pop up, because I'm next to Mistah J or on heavy meds when those mean doctors keep us apart, I just couldn't take these new ones, they make everything so distorted and then I feel all dizzy. All-in-all it's a really shitty feeling.<p>

* * *

><p>Well, I'm not quite sure what this story will end up turning into, if you've read this far thanks and please wait,there's more coming. I don't know if I'm really capturing Harley Quinn in the right way, but I tried really hard! She's one of my favorite characters ever…so I really want to capture that spark that makes her, her…I don't know if that makes sense, but oh well. Please leave a comment or an idea for how I can make this better. Thanks a million!<p>

_BTW I don't own Batman or any part of franchise :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh dear, it's starting again_…poor Harley, why she stills hangs around that scumbag confuses me still. Hmm…I suppose it has been awhile since they've fought, oh and it looks like Harley is going to start something this time…_ha I'm getting twenty bucks!_ That shouldn't excite me I suppose but how could I resist entering the asylums running bets against the '_couple_', for lack of a better word. No matter what Harley says, I'm still not convinced that he gives a damn about her, but he hasn't killed her yet so I suppose that counts for something.

"No Mistah J I don't wanna talk ta ya right now! You ignored me all day yesterday and now you wanna talk ta me 'cause you're bored. Hmm…well tough luck puddin' **I'm mad at you!**"

I had to stifle a laugh at that; the thought of Harley actually being mad at the psychotic clown was rather hysterical. Oh…poor girl, she even pouted. _This can't end well for anyone involved._

"**What the hell is wrong with you!** What gives you the idea that you can talk to me like that. You should be happy I'm even giving you the time of day to talk to you!"

Seeing that filth upset was rather amusing, well until he touches Harley…then I get rather upset. Sure he's crazy and she's obsessed…but does that really mean that she should get the shit beat out of her? I just don't understand this relationship at all: he pretends that he doesn't want her to _bother _him, but then he has a hissy fit when she doesn't worship the ground he walks on. _T__hat poor girl just can't win…_

"You act all tough, and ya know what, I don't give a damn; I stick around anyway! But oh no when you get bored or upset and kick me out **it's always you who goes and looks for me **when you get lonely! Pretend you don't care all you want I still won't believe you…go ahead and hit me, it's your version of caring…your emotions are just too wacked out to behave properly. And ya know what I don't care. Ya wanna know why puddin'? I'll tell ya…cause there's still a tiny little part of you that's *_gasp_* human and that part of you won't let you kill me. So go ahead and be mean, see if I care."

I was actually quite speechless at Harley's little _outburst_…damn she seems rather upset. What's really amusing isn't that no matter how hard she tries they can't have a quiet conversation…ever, or even that the whole common room stopped to listen to the conversation, no what I find amusing, is the look of pure terror that was temporarily on that horrid clowns face. Oh it was priceless and I think I just might seduce another naïve guard into getting me a photograph of it from the security cameras..._hah that'll show him for hurting my poor babies last month_.

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU AFTER ALL THE SHIT I'VE PUT UP WITH OVER THE YEARS! DO YOU EVEN…"

Whatever the clown was going to say was cut short when a guard approached the '_quarreling couple' _and had the audacity to interrupt their '_discussion'_. Poor guy, he must be new and have a death wish. No one, and I mean **no one** gets between these two when they argue; even I wait until after Harley is a pile a tears, before I step in. Due to the fact that the whole common room was watching, I wasn't all that surprised to see the shocked and terrified looks on many of the inmates' faces; and to be quite frank, this is one of those rare times, where I have to agree with them. Harley and the Joker both looked absolutely furious; this idiot was already dead as far as they were concerned.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT? CAN'T YA SEE WE'RE TALKIN' HERE?" Harley screeched.

As if that wasn't bad enough the guy, while shaking in terror **spoke**! The audacity of this fool wasn't courageous, it was stupid. He muttered something about Harley needing to go to therapy. The looks of anger on the clown '_couple_' *_shudder_* (_I hate that word_) was absolutely terrifying, I really hope the look on that bastard's face isn't the same face shown to her when she "_messes up_", it's absolutely terrifying. That idiotic man; no wait, boy based his lack of intelligence tried to grab Harley's arm and take her by force to therapy…**big mistake! **The whole entire room (_minus Harley and the Joker_) gasped at the exact same time, _prepare to die kid!_

He didn't even have time to flinch as Harley slammed the _boy_ with a body mass twice her size into the wall with such force his head caved in. Then she started laughing hysterically and her crazed clown joined in with her. Their earlier _spat_ was temporarily forgotten, while the Joker spun Harley in a circle, while continuing to laugh hysterically. I will never understand that relationship...**ever**.

Another group of guards came this time and waited patiently for the Joker and Harley to be done, before saying she had to go. The look of fear as they stared at the little girlish killer who just killed one of their possible friends was rather amusing I suppose. She looked at that sadistic clown, and with a nod of his approval skipped out of the room after them.

I couldn't resist commenting "Harley you do know you're insane right?"

Her reply surrounded by laughter was "Cert-a-fiable Red, certifiable." She winked and skipped out of the room.

* * *

><p>"What the hell was that guy thinking? Harley is mine damn-it, <strong>mine<strong>! How dare he touch her? Only I can touch her!" I muttered to myself.

Focus and breathe the situation's taken care of now; well partially, she's still going to pay for that comment she made. Hah she'll regret standing up to me then, the audacity she had to do that, makes no sense at all. But I suppose the quickness of which my little clown killed that bastard was amusing and just a little shocking…_I've trained her well_. At that thought, I couldn't help but create a grander smile than the one normally on my face.

Well today could've gone better I suppose, but it could've been worse as well. If that bastard didn't come and _touch her, _I would've beaten the shit out of her quite frankly. Which no matter how fun that sounds, I'm going to need her to help me get the Bat this time. I've finally perfected what I'll do, unless that idiot screws this up, everything will go according to plan and Batman and his little _family_ will die…_or at least be in a lot of pain;_ I haven't decided which yet. Besides, a happy Harley listens far better than an angry or upset Harley…_although it is kind of hot when she freaks out_, if only it was at someone else…then I wouldn't be so insulted. Hah…who am I kidding, if Harley freaked out like that against someone else I'd kill them. I'm just not sure if it's because I'd be _jealous_ *_shutter_* she _cared _about someone else instead of worshipping at my feet or if it's because I would actually feel bad. _Shake off these confusing, and rather depressing thought…you have work to do._

* * *

><p>Well…that seemed better in my head. Please feel free to drop a comment, critique or idea. It'll be appreciated. Thanks for reading! I have a better idea of what I'm going to do now….so hopefully it makes sense outside of my head tee-he. Oh and just in case you didn't figure it out the stuff in *<em>italics &amp; stars*<em> is actions...I'm just to lazy to start & stop dialog. Should I start telling who the character's point of view I'm using, or let you guess?

_Oh yeah…I don't own Batman or anyone in his glorious little world of crazy. _


	3. Chapter 3

**HI wow! I seriously can't believe so many people have read this…it's so freaking awesome, so THANK-YOU! Heads up, I suck at spelling…so if there's an error, please accept that it's there and know how smart you are for catching it k. This is the last **_**boring info**_** chapter…I promise; after this I'll get into the story k well thanks for reading this if ya did.**

**If there are words in italics and the cool asterisk * signs it means that an action took place…I'm just too lazy to start and stop dialog. **

"Hello Mr. Joker, are you aware of why you're here today?"

He laughed and replied: "Well I was bored and thought hmm…_let's see what Arkham is up to._ I decided to let Bat-brain catch me…oh and _therapy_ is part of the whole shebang."

"Well *_cough*_ ok then; do you happen to know what day it is?"

"Tuesday."

I stifled a laugh and replied: "No, not the date, the _significance_ of today."

"Ooo…ooo pick me! I know this one, its Harley's birthday."

He had a smug expression on in face; it pissed me off to be quite frank. She spent a majority of her sessions this week complaining about how he never remembers…then today we had a breakthrough and _now_ he decides to acknowledge her existence…_great, just great!_ There go hours of both our lives that just went down the toilette…_why do I even try_? She will never leave him without a bullet or something just as deadly in her…_oh wait_ he did shoot her a few months ago and all it took for her to go back was a bouquet of flowers, how pitiful. "Ahh…so you do know…" I don't know what's worse…ignoring her or, or…hmm never mind, it doesn't really matter know anyway; "well, are you also aware that a new bill was passed for a different approach to _high security_ patients here at Arkham?"

"Well, I can name quite a few…at the rate this place goes through _policy_ anywho…but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it has something to do with the new bill passed yesterday. _You know_ the one about showing tapes from one patient's session to another…hmm but I suppose you _could_ be talking about something else…HA! Who am I kidding…come on then, let's glimpse at _her _session."

"Alright, now since you don't have a doctor at the moment, I'll be filling today since I had an open schedule. To be honest, I thought if we sat here and watched my session with Miss Quinn from earlier today, then we wouldn't have to talk."

"Ouch doc, straight to the point. Well…come on then let's see Harley cry, complain or whatever you seem to be secretly hoping will make some sort of difference. We both know it won't, but hey…I'm stuck in here so _humor me_…let's watch!"

The way he said that sent chills down my spine, how can he receive so much pleasure from the thought of seeing Quinn in pain? I wish that poor girl would recognize how horrible he is, God knows what she sees in that maniac…"Ok then, the video is from three hours ago. Harley Quinn session two-hundred and eight. Sorry, but protocol is protocol…"he just rolled his eyes in disgust and stared at the screen; _this is going to one damn long hour._

* * *

><p>"Hello Miss Quinn."<p>

" Hi'ya Joan. Harley remember? What are we gonna talk about today hmm?"

"Well, to start off happy birthday! Also, I'm slightly confused by what you want for your _gift_ from Arkham…it doesn't seem like something you'd _normally_ pick. Seriously, a _bubble bath_…last year you asked for bubble gum and a pop gun…then you killed _eight_ guards! Sorry to inform you, but bubble bath, no matter how much you may want one isn't allowed; baths were taken away after the large number of drowning-induced suicide attempts. I'm sorry Harley."

"Well _Joany, _that's too bad…I like bubbles…and the irony of being cleansed by your filth is kind of funny. *_dramatic _pause* Oh_, is that the wrong answer_?"

She stared at me completely serious, what's gotten into her? She never makes sense, and if she answers a question it's with another one or something completely irrelevant. Could she possibly be ready to _finally_ receive help?

"Well it isn't wrong, just _different_. Normally you don't answer my questions, especially with a rather intelligent answer."

The frown that just appeared on her face made the young twenty-seven year old appear to be a five year old dressed up in her mother's…_orange jumpsuit_…hmm that analogy didn't make as much sense as I thought it would. She started to glare, and that means she's getting angry. Shit! This is bad, a calm and happy Harley can be barely controlled, an angry Harley…is really _freaking scary_! I slowly reach for the panic button hidden in my pocket; you can never be _too safe_. She seemed like she was going to respond, hopefully whatever she has to say won't include hurting me…

"What? I'M NOT STUPID! I just play the part I was given…so ya, I'm not the smartest light bulb in the crayon box…shit I screwed that up, _tee-he_. Anywho, people in Gotham think it's easier to believe a stupid, blond, bimbo fell in love with a "_psychotic clown_" *_air quotes*_ rather than believe a relatively sane twenty-four year old met the love of her life and did everything in her power to keep him. I'm more resourceful than you think…come on did ya really think a young career-aspiring woman would revert to the age of a teenager in three months? Puh-leeze…you wish! I CHOSE THIS!"

She stopped her _speech_ long enough to yawn. That's strange, it's only two o'clock in the afternoon…I hope those guards stopped trying to assault her. Hmm…I suppose I get to have another _lovely _talk with our new temporary head of Arkham…ever since the _true Arkham_ left to be Black Mask or whatever he became, we can't seem to keep a head for a long period of time. It's so bad, that now most of the staff and even some of the _patients_ have been keeping a rather large betting pool over the length of time anyone one person will stay in that horrid office. She rubbed her eyes and looked at me, almost as if she was waiting for me to finish my inner dialog and pay attention to her…_how odd_.

"I just act dumb ya know…Mistah J has a pretty big ego, and when I do somethin' kind of smart it makes him angry. I don't like to make my puddin angry…_unless he ignores me_, then I do some crazy shit to get him to notice me _*giggle_*. Now, I'm not sayin' that I'm anywhere near his genius, I'm just a lil bit smarter than everyone seems to _think_ I am. I'm not going to win a Nobel Prize or whatever, I'm just quick on my feet, determined and resourceful…which is a _very_ good thing in this business. I'm a whole hell of a lot smarter than you all seem to think I am."

I was completely speechless…for the last three years; I've assumed that Harley was a crazy love-sick fool who didn't have two cents to share; now she's smart? This is going to be an interesting session…that's for sure. "Oh…umm…_*cough cough*_ this is new…how have you kept this '_façade'_ for so long? If you don't mind me asking of course…"

"Oh, tee-he that's an easy one: the people of Gotham are stupid. Hey! Don't look at me like that…the reality is that they _all_ secretly hope I'm crazy, because they can't understand how a _somewhat sane_ person would choose to do the things I've done. Besides, it's not like I've never slipped…you all just seem to think nothing's wrong, so when I do slip up, ya tend to ignore it or pretend like it didn't happen."

"Well, ok then; how have you kept this from the Joker?"

She started to laugh hysterically, which is rather terrifying, even after almost three years of _therapy_. The sound is like a very high-pitched screech-type giggle. It sounds like a '_drugged-up'_ five year old.

"You're kiddin' right? HA-HA oh Joany, you're too much. Mistah J knows I'm not stupid…think about it k, do you think a genius like him would'a kept some crazy idiot girl around for so long…the answer is NO! I actually think he kind of likes that I'm willin' to give up any hope for an _'intelligent image'_, just to keep him happy. Hmm…puddin'…"

"Focus Harley! Well, if that's your reasoning…I suppose it makes _some_ sense…or at least more than what you normally say does anyways. I have another question for you though, how do you keep this from Batman?"

At the sound of her sworn enemy-by-association Batman, she cringed. Then carefully thought out her next words. She said "Well…B-man isn't as smart as he _thinks_ he is. He just believes I'm stupid like the rest of Gotham. I think he does it, because he can't grasp why I would give up what I had to be with a _"psychotic clown" *air quote*._

"Hmm…that is certainly interesting, and I'll take note; but I was asked to find why you want bubbles for you birthday…even if I don't really want to, it seems like a dumb _discussion_, but hey who cares…"

"Hmm…well, based on how I've been treated the last few days Joany, I think the people _up top_ were hoping for "_a show"_ *_air quote*. _Did ya know that I've had to attack or kill at least fifteen guards in the last week for trying to assault/rape me? It hasn't been the best week for me k, and to top it off I think Mistah J is gonna skip my birthday _again_…he did it last year, 'cause I annoyed him. But I haven't done anything this year so far, so I was really excited we'd finally celebrate my birthday, but instead he goes and gets locked up two days before. It's *_sniffle*_ not fair, can't I have one nice birthday?"

I could tell that I would have to handle this situation carefully, because if Harley started crying the session might as well be over, since the Joker is the only person who can actually get her to stop; it's the only _benefit_ that I can see from their relationship. _Please, please, please don't cry Harley…we've made such progress_…

"Well, I suppose it could be worse, *_sniffle* _it's not like I have ever actually _celebrated_ in the first place ya know…not that Mistah J would know, he doesn't like it when I bring up my _life_ before him. Normally I don't mind, 'cause I was sooooo boring before I met him, and I was kind of incomplete…now I'm whole. I just wish I could have one nice birthday…"

"Oh, that's right…I remember you telling me that your adoptive parents didn't believe in celebrating your birthday, because it took away from training; then going to college a year early, many of your college friends didn't like spending lots of time with you due to you age. It's actually rather depressing, if I may be so honest…your birthday is the one day dedicated to you, and it's absolutely sad that you have never had a true celebration. I'll let you in on a secret though…do you _promise_ to not tell?"

She looked up at me sniffling, her curiosity got the better of her when she asked: "ooo, ooo I wanna know…I promise I won't tell anybody!"

"Today, as Gotham's birthday gift to you, you're being added to the Rogue Gallery, as your very own rogue…not a _hench wench_! Isn't that exciting? Edward Nygma is in charge of making your video for the news…no one else would do it, and since he can hack into _any_ camera system…he seems to have the best shot at giving you a great video. He's been working on it for the last month, and planned on showing it to you later on today for your approval before it's sent to the news networks."

The smile on her face while it only lasted seconds, was so huge, it looked like it was going to split her face it half! I've never seen her happy about anything that doesn't involve the Joker in some way. Yet I had a feeling that I spoke too soon…I was right.

"NO WAY! Ohmigod! Now Mistah J can finally see me as his _almost_ equal…tee-he now I get to run with "_the big boys" *air quote*_. Finally, I've been waiting forever for Gotham to realize I'm more than some stupid hench girl. I'm _soooooo_ happy right now…"

She then broke off into another terrifying round of giggles…I don't understand how that woman-child can cause something as innocent as a girlish giggle sound like a form of torture.

* * *

><p>"Well Mr. Joker, it seems that we still have fifteen minutes left, and I still don't want to talk to you. Due to this, I've decided that I'm going to show her <em>interrogation<em> with Batman from earlier this week. I'm not sure if it's technically legal under the new doctrine, but I really would prefer to avoid talking with you, and since I'm going to need to watch this video anyway to make sure her rights were kept intact…"

"Just shut the hell up and play the tape!"

* * *

><p>I was actually glad that he interrupted my rambling, because I probably wouldn't have been able to stop otherwise. I seriously don't understand what Harley sees in the monster, or how she can be in the same room without running away in terror. I suppose I'll never truly know, unless I enter their crazy little world…personally that's an experience I would prefer to avoid. I got up and replaced the tapes…let's hope this isn't another video of Harley antagonizing Batman to the point that he hits her, and then apologizes profusely for being anything like <em>that monster<em>; I really don't want to deal with the wrath of the Joker seeing his rival touch his _plaything_ without permission.

Harley was led into the gray interrogation room and forcibly pushed into a sitting position opposite Batman. He looked up in acknowledgement to her entrance and grimaced at her gruesome appearance. She was covered in dirt and blood: hers _and_ that of her victims; cuts and bruises covered the petite blonde's frame all-in-all she was a very sad sight to behold.

"Why ya staring B-man, admiring your handy-work; ya know if I didn't take the fall for Mistah J, it would've been worse. Ya kind of remind me of Mistah J, cause he likes to admire his _artwork_ too…"

"That's horrible Quinn, even _someone like_ _you_ deserves better. Why do you put up with him?"

"Yeesh, you sound like Red…and even though it's none of your business, I'll play nice and tell ya anyways: _love_. I do everything for love; I've been called crazy, but I really don't give a damn. I love him and yes before you ask, I'm aware that he doesn't care about me _anywhere_ near as much as I care about him. Oh, and I don't give a damn about that either, he's a violent psychopath…I would know what we have isn't real if he acted like he cared all o' a sudden."

Batman's expression was one of pity and sadness towards the young clown's declaration.

"Why do you still care for him; he beats you, has thrown you off buildings, abuses you regularly, verbally assaults you constantly and that's only what I've seen. No matter how hard I've tried to understand your fantasy of _happiness_, it still makes no sense to me."

She looked down at her chained hands on the table and said in a small voice "I know. I don't know sometimes either; I do know that I _deserve_ a medal for the world's shittiest relationship. *_giggle*_ I've even tried leaving him…I just can't" she said sadly "I'm too far gone, Mistah J is my everythin' and I can't even imagine life without him anymore."

Then in a voice full of sobs and sniffles she asks "B-man, *_sniffle_* when did it get so bad? _*sniffle_* Why doesn't he love me? I try so hard, I've given him everything! *_sniffle*_ Why am I not enough? I've done everything he asks, and he still doesn't love me…why B-man, why?"

At this point her head hit the metal table while she openly sobbed. Batman seemed to struggle with what he should do: attempt to comfort her or leave her to cry. As expected, he choose to sit there and show his true lack of any form of emotion connection, by leaving her there for another five minutes to cry, before he said anything (_I fast-forwarded through this_).

In his best attempt at a comforting voice he said, "Hmm…well Quinn, the Joker hates humanity and anything good. Emotions are one of the things that make humans great, so it only makes sense that the one thing is actually afraid of is feeling anything emotional besides rage and elation. For a reason I will never understand, you make him feel other emotions, and thus that makes him afraid; _not of you, but rather what you could make him do_. He has tried _countless_ times to end you and return to his previous _life_, but for some reason whatever hold you have over the small sliver of humanity he has left, won't allow him to actually kill you…that's why he always gives you a small chance to get out alive and also why he seems somewhat happy, if not _relieved_ when you come back…that is _until_ those unwanted emotions come back the cycle continues. In that sense, you're simply a poor girl caught up in a world that you don't truly belong, but remain in hope that your fantasy of a future with that crazed clown could actually happen outside of your head, while knowing that you will never receive that fantasy while I live. The strange thing is that you _won't_ kill me, you almost have several times; but you seem to know that he wouldn't have much, if anything left without me to _'play' _with. I feel bad for you Quinn, you're just the victim in a cruel game that you should've never heard of, let-alone played."

"B-but you're wrong, I-I chose this, to become this so h-he-he'd love me. _*sniffle*_ I gave up a _normal_ life as a sacrifice to prove how much I-I care, but he didn't even acknowledge it, he d-didn't care. I know I'm not a v-victim, 'cos I was more than aware of what was _goin' on_ during those sessions…I knew I should've s-st-stopped and given his case to someone else, I just _couldn't_ and I didn't know why 'til _he kissed me_…that's when I knew I was in love. It's not fair…the one thing I want more than anything in the whole wide world is the one thing I can't actually have…_why won't he love me_?"

Seeing the female clown in such a state of dismay was strange and unpleasant compared to her usually perky and overly bubbly self. After several seconds she seemed to change her state of mind from one of sadness to one of detachment. Her being detached is far worse than being sad; when she doesn't care it simply shows how crushed she is if she needs to shut down to function properly.

"Ya know what's really funny B-man? Hmm…well do ya? No? K, I'll tell ya…_I want to die_. *_giggle*_ Oh…but don't worry, I'm not suicidal…_well yet _anyway_._ Mistah J asked me once if he could kill me, it was one of those days where he felt _"Unwanted Emotions" *air quotes*_ and how could I say "no", and not take away his pain…after all, I'm the one who caused it in the first place. Ya see, he may hurt me on the outside, but it's only 'cos I hurt his insides. I make him feel _something_…it might not be love, but it's something. So…keeping that in mind, I said "Yes"."

She took a deep breath, to calm herself before continuing sad tale.

"Well, as I waited for the sweet _release_ of his knife against my throat slicinig open my neck, I stared into his beautiful eyes. God, I love his eyes, and was determined to make sure the last thing I saw was the one I love. What's a bigger sacrifice and proof of your feelings, than dyin' in the arms, and by the hands of the one ya love? You might think that it's disugstin' or morbid…but to me it's beautiful. Isn't it fit to let Mistah J, my _Creator_ be the one to end me; what's a bigger act of love?"

She smiled to herself at the memory, while Batman stared at her, dumbfounded at the horrendous tale. I could tell that he was trying to process the information he just received, and simply couldn't fully understand how far gone the poor girl truly is…surely there is no help for one so in love with another; at least no cure that won't be permanent and painful for all involved.

He then asked in equal parts fear and curiosity "If you really wanted to die at that _maniac's_ hands, why are you still alive?"

She giggled and replied "_Oh_…well ya see, Mistah J got mad at me and kicked me into a wall…then _he left._ I still don't really know what I did that was so wrong, or why my act wasn't enough…I guess I'll never really know huh…"

She gazed at the wall and spoke as if quoting a dream "I've often thought about dying, it's a lil' hard not to in this business I guess. I've really thought this one over and decided three acceptable ways to "_kick the bucket"_…wanna hear 'em Batman…_well do ya_?"

He didn't reply, instead he stood up and started to pace. Since he didn't say no, she decided to continue sharing her horribly morbid thoughts with the Dark Knight.

"The way I really wanna go is stupid and won't happen, but hey…_aren't all dreams_? Well, I wanna die old and happy, livin' somewhere with Mistah J and whatever family we end up having…HEY don't look at me like that…_I know it's not gonna happen_. Another idea is for you to do it…wouldn't it be like poetic justice or som'thin', 'cos you'd finally loose the one thing you live by: your _moral code_; then you'd finally break, and I'd _be there_ to help Mistah J finally reach his goal…then he'd kill ya though, 'cos you wouldn't be fun to play with anymore."

She looked up curiously at her sworn enemy and seemed surprised that he stopped pacing and was staring intently at her. She gave a small smile, as if she was glad that he was listening…then again Joker doesn't listen to her all that often, so she probably was. She took a deep breath and waited for Batman to finish processing all that information and his nod for her to continue her depressing, yet thorough list.

"K now let's be serious, and I'll tell ya what's going to really _go down_, alright? One day Mistah J is gonna kill me; I don't know if it'll be an accidental fit of rage and emotion _or_ a planned out show, but it'll happen. Well I suppose we'll both have to wait and see what my puddin' has in mind huh? I just hope it isn't any time soon, 'cos I just love him sooooo much…days like this make me wish all those Disney movies were real and the guy got the girl and they lived _happily ever after. _I wish they weren't liars, that fill a girl's dreams and make her abandon the reality of what's actually goin' on…they lied: _love isn't enough_. I wish it was…focus Harley NO MORE TEARS! *_sniffle*_ I can't talk with Red about this stuff 'cos she gets mad and I'd _never dream_ of sayin' this to Mistah J…so "_thanks for listening_", it really meant a lot that ya at least _tried_ to understand…and since I took up a lot of today's _meeting_ I'll tell it to ya straight: I don't know where Mistah J is…and if I did I'd be with him, when he _wants_ to be found he will."

The guards came back in then and carried Harley out, because her injuries made it impossible to walk by herself. You can barely distinguish what she was softly saying to herself "_why aren't I enough?"_ The guards being the idiots they are, assumed that she was insulting them and slapped her in the face. She didn't flinch or show any emotion, until she softly repeated her plea and one glistening tear rolled down her now red cheek.

* * *

><p><em>Good God<em>, of anything that could've happened in that room, I never thought she'd say that. I can't even _comprehend_ that type of love, how can she be so willing to die knowing that she doesn't really want to leave? I love my boyfriend, but I know it's nowhere near that level of dedication…if that's what love is, I don't want it. She is obsessed, but I don't think she can really help it anymore…I wish he would've left her a year ago, who knows, maybe she'd be better now…_who am I kidding, she is too far gone_.

I looked at the Joker, and was thoroughly amazed by what I saw: he looked sad! I have never seen this _man_ show any emotion towards this girl, but this video stirred _something_ inside him. Oh dear God, what have I done; I caused him to feel for her…I hope I didn't just sign for her death. This is certainly unexpected; maybe Harley has been right all these years, maybe we have been _so blind_ inside our own _delusions_, that we couldn't see that he _does_ truly care…it's just in his own sick and twisted way.

He took a deep breath and said in a sinister tone "hey doc, I'm ready to go…and I will with _or without_ your permission".

I nodded and pressed my panic button to end the session a few minutes early. Three guards came and tied him up, to take him back to his cell. That experience was absolutely terrifying, and I honestly hope I never need to do it again. Thank God I'm off work now; I need alcohol…_and fast_. This job is going to make me crazy _long before_ I actually help someone…

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><p><strong>Hi again! Thanks sooooo much for reading this…it means a lot to me. I promise that <strong>_**the **__**action**_ **will start next chapter: Joker is going to break out Harley, and I'll describe her **_**Rogue Entrance Video**_**. **

**What do you think of the story thus far…do you think writing from other people's perspectives is ok? Leave a comment/review and let me know please!**

**Sorry if this chapter was super depressing, I just wanted to share how crazed Harley Quinn is and how deeply she loves her Mistah J…hopefully I did it right.**

**Kelsey **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi! Thank-you so much for reading this as well as the previous chapters…I honestly didn't think people would read this…so THANKS! This is the last chapter at Arkham; originally I planned on the **_**fun**_** starting this chapter…but it was way****too long so I cut it. Sorry, it'll be the whole next chapter I promise.**

**Sorry this took so long…I knew what I wanted in it, but I was a slightly irritated when I couldn't decide how to create the story and have it make sense outside of my head. :)**

**I don't own Batman or the awesome song in Harley's "Entrance Video" (**_**I don't want to give it away early**_**)…that would be so cool**_**…**_**I'd be rich tee-he**_**…**_**anywho****on to the story!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Harley Quinn's POV<strong>

I feel the inmates stare at me as I walk outside. Since I couldn't get what I asked for…I'm going to _improvise,__ by using Red's "special water"_. Red needs to be _re-charged_ in it weekly; it's green and full of minerals…I've only been in the stuff once before, so I could become immune to her toxins. It's kind of funny listening to how the other people here in good ole Gotham _think_ I became immune…they have very _creative_ ideas, that's for sure. Red doesn't know it yet, but I had a bathing suit snuck in and I figure _'what the hell'_ I want to chill in some good old-fashioned H2O, and since I can't have a bubbly-bath… the next best thing is her little green pond.

I suppose I pull off a bikini well, because a lot of the guys, and even some of the girls here in Arkham are staring at me…it feels nice to be openly admired! My bikini has red and black diamonds on top and the bottoms are black with _'Quinn'_ written in blood red. I look hot if I do say so myself, and apparently by Arkham's POV as well. I took off my large black sunglasses and shook my hair out of a sloppy bun; it falls down my back in waves. Time to convince Red to _share, __this should be interesting_…

"Hey Red watcha up to?"

"Nothing Harls, it's been kind of boring today…well besides your little _fight_ with that God-awful clown; way to stand up for yourself hun! Umm…Harley why are you in a bathing suit, I thought _he_ doesn't let you tan…"

"Oh ha-ha Red, ya no I'm not here to tan…I was wondering if you'd be really awesome and let me go swimming…pretty please!"

"Why do you want to do that, the last time you were covered in a rash and ended up with a cold? Why would you go through that again?"

"Well…it wasn't really _that_ bad. Sure I got a rash, but hey that's a small price to pay, 'cause now I'm like immune to everything! And, I'm bored so why not go swimming, it's not like there's anything else to do here…"

Crap, I started to _word vomit,_ let's hope Red still listens to me. I knew if I told her I was trying to fill the void of a bubble bath I would have already lost the battle, but if I play up to Red's maternal and caring side I _should_ get my way…well _hopefully_ anyway. She took a deep breath and sighed…YAY I won tee-he! Life is good…well _temporarily_.

"Ugh…fine Harls, but if you get sick or a rash or something don't come and cry to me got it?"

"Ya thanks Red! And don't worry; I won't complain I promise…finally _something_ to do here!"

"What are you talking about Harls; there are loads of things to do here? You've just been here so many times that you must be bored of doing the same things over and over again."

"Ya know Red, that's the _actual_ definition of crazy: doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result?"

"Why yes, I'm aware of that…maybe you've finally had a breakthrough and you'll leave him, since he doesn't seem to like you all that much. And yet, you keep going back…"

I could feel the look of horror that just came onto my face, and here I thought Red was _finally_ starting to understand; I guess I was wrong…_pity_! Why doesn't anyone see what I see? I know damn well that he didn't care for me that much at the beginning, but _now_…now he cares more than even I _thought_ he could. Why don't the people in Gotham notice, I know that they would if they watched our story from the beginning to now; he treats me different, like I'm _almost _his equal. If people would get rid of their stupid prejudices that the media and law tell them, they'd see…_they'd all see. _Now I'm mad…why don't they see it?

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" I shriek, "I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER LEAVE, GOT IT? And here I thought you were _finally_ figuring that out…HA and you call **me** the dumb one."

Red looked at me surprised by my sudden outburst and seemed to think rather hard about what to say next…not that I blamed her, I'm mad, and that leads to _bad things…_

"Seriously Harley, calm down ok. Sorry for making you have a panic attack alright? Whatever, I'll drop the subject. Here's the key to my little _haven_…have fun Harls!"

I know she didn't want to say that, but I think she's a lil bit scared of me when I'm mad…I guess I'll have to test out this _theory_ some other time. I took a deep breath to calm myself, Red is right…I don't really _want _to have a 'moment'…

"EEP! Thanks Red, you're the bestest best friend a girl could ever have!"

She laughed and said, "Of course Harley, have fun! Bye now."

Hmm…I got over that quite quickly, I guess I didn't really wanna be mad at Red; then I wouldn't get to swim. And I would feel kinda cruddy if she was upset with me _or wait_…was I mad at her, I forget tee-he…life is bliss when you can get over things quickly!

I start walking towards one of the walls blocking off _the crazies_ from leaving this _lovely_ little island. I stop in front of a giant wall made up of bushes or _shrubbery_ as Red says, and put the key inside of the lock to let myself in to Red's little pond. She is very serious about the security around it, there are only two keys and an electric fence is inside the bush, to ward off _unwanted visitors_. When Red told Arkham she needed one of these ponds, she had a hard time explaining why she desperately needed one here.

In the end she said that without it she can't be out of the sunlight for long periods of time. I used to joke around and ask if this water stuff makes her green; she just laughed and told me that it's what _keeps_ her green. The thing she didn't share with the Arkham board is that this stuff _also_ gives her a power boost every time she goes in it. If she did they never would've let her have it…no matter how desperately she does (the staff here are really mean, I thought that when I worked along-side them too).

I jump into the green water and swim around. Who knows, for a little while I could even relax and enjoy doing nothing…nope_, I was wrong_. Doing nothing gives me time to think and when I start thinking, it's almost always about Mistah J…or something that _involves_ him. I shouldn't have snapped at him like that, it was terrible and cruel of me…what if he's mad at me! I couldn't live with myself if he's mad…I'd just die inside. You know what, I'm going to go and find him; he should be out of his therapy session by now…I get out of the water and dry off on a conveniently placed towel. Time to find Mistah J and beg for forgiveness, I did the unspeakable snapping at him…but then again, he didn't seem _extremely _upset, maybe he'll forgive me…

Wrapping that towel around me I walk outside Red's little piece of overgrown heaven and lock the gate. Walking outside of that secluded area kind of sucked, because it had gotten cold and being surrounded by fluffy green stuff you couldn't really tell…_bummer!_ I started scanning the crowd for Red so I could give her back the keys; after searching for several seconds I spotted her sunbathing, the same thing she was doing fifteen minutes ago. I focused on walking over the uneven ground without falling on my ass from shivering so much…easier _thought_ than done!

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><p><strong>Poison Ivy's POV<strong>

Harley is shivering to death walking towards me, the poor thing! I feel bad now about _forgetting_ to tell her that it's supposed to be frigid today, but _then again_…she did _snap_ at me over something childish. However I hope she doesn't get a cold, then I'd feel bad…and _that_ _bastard_ would retaliate and my garden still hasn't _healed_ completely since the last time…

"Harley, honey are you ok? You look like you're freezing…"

She glared at me and threw keys directly at my head! Seriously, how childish. It's not my fault it's cold out, I control plants not the freaking weather! She's upset today, that's for sure!

"No I'm not _ok_, I lost feeling from the waist down, and I can barely walk. Would you call that ok? Hmm…well would you?"

I have to focus and answer this correctly, Harley is upset from something else and I want to avoid being _targeted_ for the backlash of her twisted emotions. Hmm…how to play this: I could make fun of her, but then she could become more upset; there's always the shrug it off option…_but_ if she's really angry, that'll piss her off; ah-ha I have it! I twist an insult as a complement…that should make her laugh or at least lighten her mood temporarily…_I hope._

"Harls, it's your own fault that you're cold. After all, if you weren't so determined to look hotter than everyone else, you would've realized that the weather report called for low forties today…"

Crap! That _sounded_ better in my head…_this is bad_. I looked up again at my naïve little friend and was surprised to see her smiling at me, that's rather odd…she got over _that_ quickly.

"Oh Red! Ha-ha you're killin' me! Do you really think I _ever_ watch the news for _weather_? Puh-leeze…I only check it for stories 'bout Mistah J and I…_duh_! What's up with _you_ today, you've been acting funny all day long?"

I released a deep breath and replied, "Oh…you know same old-same old. Nothing new with me, just a young, green girl enjoying the sun's rays while she can…_nothing funny here_!"

She looked at me funnily and shrugged, she knows I'm lying, but I guess she doesn't really care about what the truth is…_good for her_. Maybe she's finally kicked her curious habits…_or not_. I suppose I thought too soon, because when I looked up at her again she had _the face_ on.

This face is a look of pure love and adoration; it's only ever shown towards one person…_if_ he can truly be considered a _person_ that is. Her bright blue eyes turn glassy and a slight smile that only appears when she sees _him_ lights up her face. _Here we go again_…although for once I'm rather glad _he_ is interrupting a conversation…I really don't want to talk about _it_ with Harls, best friends or not. Some things aren't meant to be shared…_at least not ye_t. She'll find out eventually, and if all goes according to plan she'll thank me…I can't believe I'm doing this for _her_…

He sauntered over to Harley and looked at her curiously; to be perfectly honest I probably would too, if I saw Harley shaking to death in a towel. She flips her hair off her shoulders and smiles; he rolls his eyes in boredom. How can he be bored of her already, he's been standing here for what…_fifteen seconds_?

"Harley" he growled, "Why are you dripping wet and covered in a _towel_?" he asked in a voice full of amusement and _slight _confusion…_nothing new there_.

She smiled and replied, "Oh…well ya see Mistah J, _*cough*_ I wanted to go swimmin' coz I was bored. K so…I asked Red here _*point*_ if I could borrow her "_special sanctuary"_ *_air quote*_ for a lil while…you're not mad at me are ya puddin'?" she looked up in fear.

That's something I honestly don't understand, he beats the crap out of her and verbally assaults her relentlessly…but the only thing she's scared of is him being unhappy and leaving her. How does that make sense? No seriously…if _anyone_ out there understands and can hear my thoughts…_no matter how disturbing that is_, feel free to explain, because I give up…

He takes a deep breath and replies, "no, I'm not mad at you Harley…well _for now_ anyway. I've come to tell you that while _Eddie_ finishes you little _video_, you're going to get ready to break out. I decided what the hell, let's celebrate your birthday…_for once_, and it's even better…you're a rogue now. Consider it a birthday gift-slash-second coming-out party." He looked down at her excited face quickly and continued, "Now calm down…_God! _You're like a little kid…hmm although I suppose I'm _to blame _for that huh? Well anyways, I'm going not to _convince_ Eddie to _help out_ and open the gates and blank the cameras. It should be quick, like five minutes in-and-out. When you're done meet me in the common room."

I'm quite impressed, he actually _admitted_ he did something wrong, well it might've been sarcastically…but hey progress is progress! He finished his plan, of sorts, and turned away; to most likely look for the Riddler. Ha! Good-luck with that one Joker, he's been locked away somewhere hiding from everyone so he can make Harley's video spectacular…because he knows if either of _them_ are upset he's screwed. Although if anyone can find him, I suppose I'd say _he_ has the best chance. Looking up at Harley I can tell she's making a quick plan inside her head, knowing full well that she'll need more than five minutes to do what needs to be done. Unlike the Joker, Harley cares for the other patients(_more like inmates_) here at Arkham, by following '_the code'._

The code is a simple list of niceties that _help_ those around you, so they feel _required_ to help you out later. The most common of these would be letting others out when you escape or filling up a _grab bag._ This bag is full of random things _we_ have stolen from us upon entering this hell-hole. Harley will feel like she _needs_ to help others to repay for all the times they've helped her and the Joker out…almost everyone here is petrified of _his_ wrath, so they always grab '_stuff'_ for him and his_ 'special lady'_, no matter how much they may or may not hate him.

She heads off to find Clayface most likely, with that unique gift of his; he's a necessity when doing a _vault_ job. Since he can take the place of a guard, all one needs to do is kill or knock out a guard and have him take his/her place. Once you've done that Clayface will take whoever asked for his help to the vault and let them do their _business_. Now don't get me wrong, he still receives _payment_ for his services, he expects certain _things_ that differ by _job_. I think he feels bad for something or other, because he's always nice to people when he's here…now if you go and ask for his help outside of Arkham, good luck…he does a "360" and becomes a total jack-ass!

* * *

><p><strong>Harley Quinn's POV<strong>

I head into the vault and look around; there isn't a real way to defend this place against _us_ if anyone really wants to get in here they do. Instead of trying to keep _us_ out, _they_ choose to hide the things taken most often and move our _collections_ around. Each rogue has a collection of weapons, gimmicks (the things we're known for), and clothing, that's moved around the vault weekly, to lengthen ones time inside. By doing this, Arkham is making it easier for Gotham PD come to _help out_…AKA attempt an attack on (or actually attack_…if you suck) _the rogue inside the vault and then lock whoever it is up again. Gotham PD is notified by the "state of the art security systems" that aren't very state of the art, considering that they don't keep _us_ out. The system is totally flawed, not that I'm complaining of course, because the more problems there are, the easier it is to get in and out without being caught.

I head to the very, very back of the vault and reach my section…time to find some clothes. This is easier said than done, because I typically come to Arkham bloody, ripped up and/or covered in burn marks from an explosion gone wrong…thus finding an outfit that works and isn't completely destroyed is more difficult than a rogue who gets caught and isn't covered in _stuff._ I start randomly grabbing pieces of clothing from day's past and look at one of Clayface's mirrors to check my current outfit. I settle on a pair of black short shorts with my three diamond insignia on one of the pockets, a red and black lace-up corset, a black fingerless wrist glove, black fishnets and my favorite boots: one red and the other black, both have blades for the heels…_how cool is that_! The last thing I grab is a red leather jacket, it's slightly burnt at the bottom, so I quickly make it into a half jacket that goes to my ribcage and flip up the sleeves, so they stay at my elbows. I put my wavy hair into pigtails and look for weapons, I settle on three blades: one down each of my boots and the other is very tiny so I put it down my glove…if need be I should be able to flick it out and attack…key word being _should. The_ next thing I grab is my pop gun and place it in the holder on my thigh, lastly grabbing my cute heart-shaped bag full of bombs that either explode in glitter and smoke or an actual explosion. I think I'm ready now!

The last thing to do before heading to meet Mistah J in the common room; is to grab some _stuff_ for some of our _friends_ (AKA the people Mistah J uses occasionally for his plans). Looking around, I see Bane's teddy bear: Osito, seeds and a pot for Red to put in her cell, _Alice in Wonderland _for Hatter, a mirror for Clayface…he's sooo conceited! On my way out, I see a picture of Nora, so I grab it for Mr. Freeze…last but certainly not least, I grab Mistah J's favorite knife before leaving the vault. All things considered that went quite well; I stuff everything I grabbed for the others inside a duffle bag hidden near the door and head out.

Clayface is waiting for me in disguise, so I hand him his mirror, as we walk down the hall. Walking down this hall, always gives me the creeps…everything is _sooo_ white and clean it's concerning…nothing and I mean nothing should be this clean…it's unnatural! Ah…there's the elevator, _I'm coming Mistah J!_

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><p><strong>The Riddler's POV<strong>

Finally! I finished Harley Quinn's video, the task was far more difficult than I actually assumed it would be…_how odd._ Well it's done, now it's out of my hand's; the e-mail just sent to all of Gotham's news stations…how silly they are to think I can't find and or hack into their servers to give _and take_ the information I need, it's rather pathetic! This task of sorts would have been significantly simpler _if_ the Joker wasn't rotating between standing directly behind me and pacing with a scowl. He terrifies me; I wish I could fathom why though, because my intellect is far superior to his…so why is he the superior villain, I just don't understand!

Seeing a red light flash on my laptop screen temporarily distracted me from my inner puzzlement. I glanced at the Joker and said, "Harley's video is done and she has five minutes to get to this floor before my _distractions_ on Arkham's server are brought down…I could've made them last longer, but what's the point…"

"Hmm…well someone's sad today aren't they Eddie?"

I flinched, I hate it when people call me _'Eddie'_ it sounds so childish and it's intellectually demeaning. I take a deep breath and shake my head to say 'no', and thus indicate I'm fine. I'm not of course, but the Joker wasn't asking to be polite, but rather to make fun of my bad mood by describing his fantastic one. Sometimes I truly hate the clown, today is one of those days.

A _beep_ emanated from the hallway, letting those on this floor know that the elevator is opening momentarily. I fail to see why Arkham's board thought that having a 'beep' _before_ the doors open is a good idea, to me it seems rather ridiculous; because then _another_ beep is produced when the elevator doors open. Oh, the stupidities of this godforsaken place, they equally amuse and irritate me.

"Harley and Clayface should be coming in soon, the elevator just signaled this floor."

"I'm aware. Did you finishher video yet?"

I took a gulp at his curt tone before replying, "Yes, it's done and if I do say so myself it is terrific. I combined her times of happiness, passion and pain at your hands, along with parts of your sessions here at Arkham, as well as a few glimpses of the two of you fighting the Batman."

Rather than being slightly pleased at my progress of making a masterpiece from the chaos of _their_ lives, he rolls his eyes and looked up to see if _she_ was coming yet. I'm quite shocked he has yet realize that his relationship with Harley has actually produced feelings on his part. I at first believed what a large majority of Gotham believe, but by studying every video and clip of her life since meeting him, I have discovered inconsistency in his treatment towards the girl, he's changed over the years. That miniscule and rather reckless, idiotic girl has done the impossible, and I truly wouldn't believe it had I not seen the video-backed proof. To that, I tip my hat to Harley…or I would, if I had my bowler hat on my person. There's another thing I despise about this horrid place, they lock up people who are clearly not crazy, because the jail can't hold them and then those in-charge have the audacity to take your things!

Thankfully Harley Quinn walked in right before I had a meltdown rant about the horrors of this place; I typically keep my mouth shut, because I dislike being attacked by the guards here in good ole Arkham for voicing my opinion. Her face lights up like a Christmas tree at the sight of Joker and his face turns from a glare to a smirk, as much as I loathe _him_ and feel misery towards _her, _they do make a good couple; her emotions combined with his brains and cunning make them _nearly_ unstoppable. Hmm, maybe I should consider getting a sidekick…

She quickens her pace and throws a duffle bag at a table, it misses in her haste; standing right in front of the Joker her smile enlarges. He then glances down in her general direction to acknowledge the fact she's in the room, and begins to ignore her presence. It's odd, how he expects her to be around and submissive constantly, then he ignores her or acts cruelly towards her…they're certainly an odd _couple_. 'Couple', that is a word I thought I would _never_ use to describe these two, but times change and when you combine those changes with knowledge and understanding, new things come about.

Several lesser rogues carefully approach Harley's duffle bag with curiosity, after all if Harley thinks your worthy of receiving your things; it's a good indicator that the Joker isn't upset with you. For this reason, many _inmates _try to get on Harley's good side, so she'll keep them in the Joker's good graces. Honestly, it doesn't happen very often, but those who need to stoop so low in the first place are often willing for a possible assistance in the _likability_ area. Seeing the large number of sad faces is rather amusing, Harley rarely brings _gifts_ to those outside of the Rogue elite…too bad she didn't grab me anything; I must've done something wrong, oh well…_I'll survive_.

She looked at my strangely and asked "Riddles, are you going to show us my video? We are on a tight schedule ya know…"

I nodded and replied "yes, I'm aware…I just wasn't sure if you were _both_ ready to see my masterpiece."

"I'll be the judge on the masterpiece topic _thank you very much_" the Joker replied. Huh…I suppose he's taking this video very seriously, which only makes sense, considering he's in ninety percent of it. He wouldn't want anything to _ruin_ his public image.

I coughed awkwardly and reply "well, I hope you both like it, I spent a lot of time on it…so here's Harley's video…_oh wait_! Do you want me to explain why I picked this song before or after?"

"Just play the damn video" the Joker growled.

Oops, I didn't mean to make him angry; let's hope my video doesn't upset him that would be bad. Thankfully, Harley decided that was the time to give the Joker his favorite knife. How is arming an upset psychopath a good idea? For some strange reason he smiled at the sight of his knife, I fail to see the point in _caring_ about inanimate objects…but _then again,_ I refuse to let others touch my hat and cane willingly…

Harley looked at the Joker, smiled and asked "Puddin' you didn't think I forgot ya? Silly, I would never, ever forget you…"

He nodded and placed his knife inside his pocket. Glancing at me in anger, I realized I hadn't pushed play for the video, due to my inner _discussion _with myself…oops!

"Ready? Ok then…here's Harley's video…"

* * *

><p>"<em>Hey baby wont you look my way, I can be your new addiction<em>

_Hey baby what you gotta say all you're giving me is fiction_

_I'm a sorry sucker and this happens all the time_

_I find out that everybody talks, everybody talks, everybody talks_

_It started w/a whisper and that was when I kissed her"_

The video lasted three minutes; it started out with Harley Quinn and the Joker's sessions at Arkham, then the first few months together, random fights between each other, and a few _battles_ and schemes with Batman. For the chorus, I took a different approach entirely, rather than show Harley's story with the Joker, I found clips that represent the words. Every time the song said "_everybody talks"_, I showed either a newspaper headline or a shot from the news; I think it worked out quite well. Also, every time the lyrics said _"it started with a whisper and that was when I kissed her",_ I had a clip of them either talking or fighting and ending with a kiss; to my actual surprise there were enough clips of this happening that I didn't need to repeat anything.

"Ohmigod! That was amazing! Good job Riddles…" Harley proclaimed, then in the heat of the moment she gave me an awkward one-armed hug.

"What did ya think Puddin'?"

"It was _decent,_ it could be better…_but _we're running out of time, so it'll have to do."

I smiled, because I knew he was lying; the Joker's ego is so large, that he can't admit someone did a good job, unless he helped out in some way…_pathetic!_ I saved the video on a disk and handed it to Harley when the Joker wasn't looking, she enjoyed it…and now she can watch it as many times as she wants. I still don't know why I used _that_ song, all I know is Poison Ivy played a clip of it, and I just knew that it was happy enough to please Harley, yet didn't create a false perfection. The best thing is that the song can actually play on tv…needless to say, a majority of the songs that are one hundred percent perfect for Harley and the Joker, wouldn't be played on tv…the _shame._

"Well, I'm glad you like it Harley Quinn…I worked very hard on it."

She smiled in response and skipped out of the room following her beloved. _Have fun Harley, _you deserve it. Oh crap…it's her birthday!

"Happy birthday Harley!" I yell quickly, she yells a quick 'thanks' back.

Then others in the room start to stare at me strangely…_what did I do? _I notice Poison Ivy get up and walk towards me. I know she's coming to ask for my help with her _plan_, earlier today when she asked for my help I flat out refused, but now…I know I _have_ to help.

"Hello Ivy, how are you today?"

"Can it Riddler. Are you going to help me or not?"

"Why yes, I am going to help. After my _discovery_ from earlier today, I don't have a choice. Besides, you would've found_ some way_ for me to help you…"

"You're right about that. I hate having _others_ help me, but in this case, I can't do this alone. Harley deserves this…"

"Yes, that she does. I'm all yours, so what do you want me to do?"

"Hmm…well, I can think of _lots_ of things you can help do to _help _me, but for now just do what I asked earlier."

I smiled at thoughts of what Ivy was thinking…but I have work to do.

"Thanks Riddler and I really do mean it. Just know that if this doesn't work out how I planned, I'm not taking the fall for it…_he_ will…"

"Who _Batman_?"

"Ha! No, he has his own job to do for my plan to work, and there's no way he can screw his up."

"Oh…_him. _Wait! I thought he died…"

"Harley thinks the same thing, that's why when _he _kidnaps her; the Joker will never suspect _him_."

"Your devious, don't you know…"

"Of course, now do your job and don't screw up…if all goes according to plan, Harley will never stop thanking the two of us…"

"Well, then let's hope this works…because if it doesn't…you've just declared war on the Joker, and you won't win."

"I know."

I can tell that Poison Ivy is absolutely terrified about failing. The Joker doesn't share, ever. So with that in mind, if her plan doesn't work, she's basically as good as dead…

* * *

><p><strong>So…what do you think? Did it make sense? I hope it did…sorry about the cliff-hanger, you'll find out just what Ivy's plan is later on. I promise!<strong>

**Please don't be upset with the song choice or how I didn't tell you exactly what was in the video. In response to the first, I honestly don't know why I picked that song…I heard it and decided it was perfect, if you disagree…**_**well**_ **you can always ignore it and have another in your head. For the second, I would be seriously bugged, if **_**I**_** read a story and was told exactly what happened, so I figured if I wrote it this way, you (the reader) could decide what happen to a certain extent…if you're upset…SORRY!**

**I hope it was worth the wait! To be honest, I don't know if I did the Riddler's character justice when I wrote in his perspective, if I didn't…oops, that's just how he seems to me.**

**Kelsey :)**

_p.s. feel free to leave a comment about anything you think I should add for the next chapter, what you think Poison Ivy's plan is, who the mysterious **him** is...or anything at all!_


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